


Celebrate the New World

by Tallulah



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, Multi, Power Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 00:25:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17314622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah/pseuds/Tallulah
Summary: Raito, Matsuda and Ide drink a toast to Kira's new world.





	Celebrate the New World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [still_lycoris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/gifts).



Raito’s apartment is the same as it always has been and yet it’s as though the walls are shifting or like Ide’s going to blink and see monsters (shinigami?) in front of his eyes. He’s wondering if he’s actually going to be sick. There’s no reason to be sick but his throat keeps tightening. 

Matsuda, next to him, is talking too much, about nothing, putting the TV on, flicking through channels, then wandering over to stare out at the rain. That’s not helping, either. It’s making Ide want to yell at him, like Aizawa would, (but Aizawa won’t, because Aizawa is mostly likely dead by now, and he wasn’t going to think that, he isn’t going to think that –)

He finds himself taking a deep breath and Matsuda looks round at him and for a moment he’s not perky and chattering, he’s dead white and he looks as sick and miserable as Ide feels, and Ide nearly says, _What have we done – what the hell have we done –_

But the next moment Matsuda has taken a gulp of air and forced a smile and said, too loudly, “Raito should, he should be back soon.”

Ide manages to nod.

“And then everything will be okay,” Matsuda says, but it sounds like he’s pleading.

Ide nearly does lose it this time and start yelling, _Don’t ask **me** for reassurance, this was what you wanted, you were so convinced you were doing the right thing –_

(Matsuda had been quieter and quieter as the 28th drew nearer, but Ide had mainly just been grateful it meant less of him bickering with Aizawa. And if Matsuda had been spending more time talking to Raito, or sitting close to him, or looking at him as if he were working something out, so what? Matsuda had been fond of Raito for years –

Until he said, _I can’t do this any more._ )

When the door finally opens, Ide jumps so hard he nearly knocks over the low table in front of them. Raito gazes over and he smiles. Like there’s anything to smile about. His coat’s speckled with rain, his hair is slightly damp. Ryuk, behind him, is grinning.

Matsuda is staring at them as if he’s too terrified to speak. 

Raito walks towards them. Ide feels like he forgot to start breathing at some point. He makes himself inhale, swallow – his throat’s dry, but he _is_ still breathing, he’s still alive, that’s the important part – watches as Raito places a bottle of sake on the table. Expensive stuff. Clink and clatter as he collects three glasses, comes to sit opposite. Says, “I thought we could have a toast.”  


“To –” Matsuda sounds like he’s not getting enough air either. “To the – the new world?”  


Raito smiles. “Exactly.”  


Which means that the other two, and the SPK, and Near, are all dead.  


Ide sits and lets that knowledge fill him up like cement as Raito opens the bottle, pours their drinks. Matsuda nudges him to join the toast, and he must have done, but it didn’t feel like him doing it.  


(Matsuda said, _I know. I know he’s Kira, L was right and Near’s right and I – I don’t care. It’s – he’s making the world better. We all know it. We just – we just didn’t want to admit we were wrong –_  


Ide had told him to stop being stupid, that Kira was a murderer and needed to be stopped, that one person shouldn’t be allowed to be the arbiter of what’s good and what’s evil, all the things he’s heard and said before, but Matsuda just looked at him pityingly as if he were the one who’d been brainwashed, and then said, _You know it’s not like that. You know someone had to do it, someone had to fix things, and he’s clever and he wants the world to be better and… and it’s working. You **know** it’s working._  


He scowled and said, _The Chief would have understood. I’m sure he would, eventually,_ and Ide knew then that any more arguing was hopeless.)  


He drinks without thinking about it, without tasting it, like it’s water. He can’t think. He’s watching himself do this, and watching Matsuda sip from his glass with shaking hands, and watching Raito smile. It doesn’t feel like a celebration of something new, it feels like they’re drinking in the apocalypse. After a while, he gets up, walks over to the window. Night’s fallen. It’s stopped raining. Beads of water speckle the window, streetlights glinting in them. He sips his drink. All right, a little more than a sip.  


(Aizawa, his face taut with barely suppressed fury, had looked at Matsuda like he was dirt and then said, _You can do what you want. I’m going to the meeting. I’m going to see this case through. Remember, like you said you were going to?_  


Matsuda, fists clenched, glowering back at him: _I’m not too stubborn to admit I changed my mind. And it’s stupid. It’s stupid to go. If you go then you’ll – then you’ll –_  


_Then he’ll kill me?_ Aizawa said. _Your merciful god who only wants the best for us all? Surely not._  


Matsuda didn’t back down. He kept glowering even after Aizawa had marched out of the room and Mogi had followed him, looking back at Matsuda like he didn’t recognise him. But then he turned to Ide and he said, _Please. Please not you as well. He doesn’t want to kill you. You don’t have to die._  


Ide hadn’t realised until then quite how scared he was.)  


Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Raito come to sit next to Matsuda. They talk quietly and Ide can feel them looking over at him. He supposes he must be looking unnerved, or angry, or something, but he has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing differently. He has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing, full stop. He shouldn’t be here. He should have stuck with Aizawa like he intended to, he should have stuck to his principles, he shouldn’t be standing in the same room as Kira and knowing it beyond all doubt and behaving as if the person who killed his best friend and thousands of other people is someone he is happy to have a friendly drink with. He should be doing any number of things but he’s doing none of them because he is almost certain that if he does, Raito will kill him.  


( _You can stay here if you want,_ Raito said to them, _but I would hope you’re doing it for the right reasons. Because you believe it’s the right thing to do. Kira’s not going to reward cowardice, I suspect._  


Plausible deniability, right up until the end.)  


Raito puts his glass down. Reaches up to stroke Matsuda’s face, tilts it towards him. Leans forward and kisses Matsuda, calmly, confidently, like he’s done this a hundred times before.  


It feels like the world breaks. Ide stares and he watches Matsuda lean into the kiss, reach up to wrap his arms round Raito, and the realisation hits: _It was because of that – it was because of that – all that talk about, about morals and it was just because Raito was – it was just because they were –_  


He can’t speak and he can’t move, he’s only looking, and his head is full of _You sold Aizawa out, you left them, you walked away, and all because of –_  


(Except, of course, that he hadn’t stayed away through conviction, he hadn’t been swayed by Matsuda’s arguments – he’d stayed away through fear –)  


He’s only looking and he realises, slowly, that they’ve moved apart, that they’re both looking back at him. Matsuda’s pale and guilty-looking, shrinking back against Raito a little; Raito, eyes fixed on Ide, is smiling.  


Ide wonders if Raito’s ever smiled at Matsuda like that. He’s betting not. It’s a smile that makes him feel sick, and he’s made of sterner stuff than Matsuda is –  


(Except that Matsuda is here because of his principles, and Ide is here because of his cowardice)  


(No, Matsuda’s here because he wanted to get laid, and Ide is here because…)  


Raito is tangling his fingers in Matsuda’s hair, gently, calmly, like there’s no more need to hide anything, and Matsuda is leaning into the touch, just a little, and Raito is saying, “I’m sorry, Ide – please believe we’re not intending to shut you out. Why don’t you come and sit over here?”  


Ide feels his breath catch in his throat. Partly the sick realisation that if he doesn’t give Raito the answer he wants whenever a question’s asked, from now on, forever – Raito will kill him – and partly –  


It’s not just the alcohol that’s making him too warm, it’s not just the fear that’s pushing the air out of his lungs –  


He. He wants, and (the worst part) Raito knows that he wants. Raito knows a lot. (Certainly knew what would sway Matsuda’s thinking, didn’t he?)  


He’s got to his feet. A little dizzy, a little hot. The floor shifts a little, and the walls are further away, and everything is darker, but he’s walking over to them (there’s no point in not, he picked a side, and anyone who would care about what happens now is dead). Raito is pulling Matsuda closer to him (his smile has softened now Matsuda’s looking at him, of course it has) and Ide sits down next to Matsuda and he’s thinking he should be wondering what to do, or what might happen, or whether this will be awkward or embarrassing, but he isn’t, as though he’s bought into the conviction that Raito can stage-manage this just like he can everything else –  


Matsuda’s twisting round to look at him and then leaning over, hesitantly, and their mouths meet. His mouth is warm and soft and he’s clearly nervous and Ide nearly shoves him away. Sitting there and letting Matsuda kiss him like this is in any way normal. This – all of this – it’s _fucked up_ and he could still back out, he could still pretend he’s got some integrity, or, at the very least, he could leave them to get on with things, not behave as if the failure of all he’s worked for is something to get off on –  


Raito is watching them.  


Matsuda is trembling, and one hand finds Ide’s and clutches it, hard, as if he’s terrified.  


(You could pretend you walked away because you were worried about Matsuda, about leaving him on his own with someone who’s killed so many without a shred of remorse. You’d be deluding yourself, but you could pretend.)  


He lets his mouth fall open, kisses back. It feels good. Of course it feels good. It almost feels good enough to block out the reality of the situation. Almost, and so he kisses harder, and finds himself putting a hand on Matsuda’s leg, clutching at the other man’s shirt to drag him closer, no longer caring about what Raito sees or knows, just, just _make this different_ , just make it be about only sex, just forget about all the deaths –  


He hears Raito laugh, and opens his eyes to see him standing up, coming to kneel by their feet. Still smiling, still fully aware that him being the one on his knees right now means nothing. (Don’t think about who’s the one with the power. Don’t think about people dying.) Saying, “Don’t let me interrupt you. I only want to do something for Matsuda.” And Matsuda shivering as if just the words are enough. Well, why wouldn’t they be? Perfect Raito Yagami telling someone like Matsuda that they want to make him feel good. Raito Yagami taking things to the next level while all Ide can do is kiss Matsuda again, harder, try not to show the sudden hot rage that any sound Matsuda makes now is because Raito’s on his knees, taking him into his mouth. They’re sprawled back on the couch now, Matsuda’s nails digging into Ide’s arms, gasps hot on his face, and Ide’s kissing his mouth, his throat, probably going to leave bruises but it doesn’t matter because doing it hard enough makes Matsuda wince and shudder and it be nothing to do with Raito –  


He feels Raito stand up. (He’s not going to get so caught up in whatever else is going on that he won’t notice what Raito’s doing. He doesn’t think he’s ever going to be unaware of Raito’s presence again). Raito is standing up, and for a moment he’s silent, watching them, before he says, “Matsuda,” and Matsuda pulls away immediately, and Ide grits his teeth to tell himself not to care.  


Raito pulls Matsuda to his feet, kisses him again, starts to unbutton his shirt. Matsuda’s still breathing hard, his hands twitching as Raito undresses him, whispers to him, “Not long, not long now –” Matsuda sinks to his knees to finish taking his clothes off and Raito puts a hand on his head and says, “I’ll make you feel good. But, you want to do something nice for Ide too, don’t you?” and Matsuda whispers, “Yes...” and Ide tells himself he’s furious at being dragged into whatever power game the two of them are playing out but _god_ , hearing that, hearing Matsuda answer like that… Are they like this when it’s just the two of them, Raito thinking ahead and Matsuda following blindly, has it been like this every time –  


That wasn’t a helpful question to ask. He has to grit his teeth to stop himself coming there and then, and he’s not, he’s not going to get off and leave them to carry on. Matsuda hasn’t come yet and Ide would like to think it’s because Raito isn’t as good at using his tongue as he doubtless thinks he is, but he knows it’s because Raito doesn’t want Matsuda to come yet, Raito can clearly get Matsuda to do whatever he wants and that’s _still_ not helpful but –  


If he tries to think about something that’s not this, all that comes to mind is the _we’re the only ones left_ and _I’m going to see this case through_ and _from now on the wrong answer will get us killed –_  


_No._ Matsuda is kneeling in front of him, staring up at him, eyes wide and dark, shaking hands undoing his belt, whispering, “Is it, is it okay, do you want...” and Ide has to fight not to grab his shoulders and shove him down, he’s gasping, “Please, yes, of course I do, I want –”  


Raito, watching them both, laughs softly, crouches down next to Matsuda: “If you get on your hands and knees, Matsuda...” and Matsuda is obeying him, whispering, “Please, yes, please...” like he doesn’t even realise he’s speaking. This time it isn’t a turn-on, this time it makes Ide want to choke Raito to death, _always got to show he’s in control, always got to make sure Matsuda’s thinking about him_ , but he can’t look away, if he does he’ll remember where he is and why, remember how this place used to be where they were going to _do the right thing_. He closes his eyes instead, hears Matsuda moan and whimper and Raito murmuring to him that he’s so good, so perfect, and then he feels Matsuda take him into his mouth.  


He should have kept his eyes shut. He should’ve focused on how it feels (good, so good) but he wanted, maybe he wanted to see Matsuda doing this. He blinks and he looks and he finds himself shaking, clutching the arm of the couch, but before he closes his eyes again, he sees Raito, clutching Matsuda’s shoulders – face shiny with sweat, hair tangled, breathing quickly, but still poised and charming and _in control_ –  


And his eyes meet Ide’s –  


He says, “It feels good, doesn’t it? To have – to have chosen the right path?”  


And he smiles, his real smile, far crueller than his voice, because Matsuda can’t see it –  


Ide comes a second later, the world blackening around him, and then he slumps back against the couch, feeling like he’s melting into it. That was good. (That was amazing and he’s a monster for enjoying any of it at all.) He lies still, feeling his heart pounding. Pretends he’s falling asleep and not listening to Matsuda breathing faster and faster, crying out, “Raito, oh, god, oh, please –” and Raito, “Tell me, tell me you love me –” and Matsuda is gasping it, _I love you, I love you_ and Raito only says, “Say –” and Matsuda is crying out, over and over, “Kira… Kira, I love you...”  


The walls and the room seem to shift again and Ide takes a deep breath and tries not to think about anything.  


He lies still, heavy and sleepy. Eventually, he hears Raito get to his feet.  


A little while later, he feels Matsuda huddling against him, still shaking, and then reaching for him nervously, as if he thinks Ide’s going to push him away, as if he thinks Ide’s in any way got a claim to the moral high ground here.  


Ide doesn’t push him away. He puts an arm round him, pulls him closer. Better not to think about who else is in the room with them. This is, this is just something to make Matsuda feel better, because Matsuda’s an idiot.  


But there are footsteps next to him, and then he feels the blanket being draped over them both. Raito says, softly, from above them, “Be nice to him, Ide,” and then he’s moving away. Ide knows he should get up, he should hate them both, he should be anywhere but here. But he doesn’t move. He stays still, keeps Matsuda close to him, does as he’s been instructed.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas on LiveJournal, prompt "eleven shows of power".


End file.
